flip jokes

What's brown and white and flops on the beach?

• A Filipino and a seagull fighting over a fish!

• What is a Filipino's idea of devastation?
  • It's where you catch de bus.
• How does a Filipino use "devastation" in a sentence?
  • Hoy auntie, don't you have to go buy your ticket at "DEVASTATION"? (get it the bus station???)
• What's the difference between select and choose ??
  • Select is when you pick out something...choose is what Filipinos wear on their feet !!!
• What do you call a Filipino walking a dog?
  • A vegetarian.
• What do you get when you cross a Filipino & Hawaiian?
  • Somebody who loves to clean yard but no more land.
• There are three Santas on the Roof. Which one is the Filipino one?
  • The one in the bunny suit.

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
What do you mean, he's not insured?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

here's some info on types of poop and ailments

-ghost poop- feels like crap but when u get to the johnny, its just gas. solves itself

-suprise poop-total opposite of ghost poop, u feel a fart, then u assidentally crap in ur pants. hide from everybody until u clean ur pants. then pretend like nothing happened and hope nobody will ever find out

-ignorant poop- doesnt want flush down. use the plunger or a barbeque stik. mainly resort to (long)disposable tools.

-clean poop- poo, wipe ur but and the toilet paper has no stains. this needs no cure.

-heavy poop-when it realeses, it makes a splash that wets ur butt

-liquid poop-self explanitory.pepto bismol

-corn poop-self explanitory.cut down on corn

-scentless poop- self explanitory. no need for cure.

                      end

got a joke

ur face!!!

j/k. the real joke is- there wuz a ldy golfing. she drove the ball right into a group of guys playing. one of them was painfully holding his crotch. the woman rushed over there quickly. she said that she wuz a therapist and could ease the pain. so she started massaging his groin. nice and slow with lots of pleasure. sorry if im getting carried away. anywayz, she said, " does that feel better?" he agreed it felt good, but his thumd still hurt. Hahahaz funny lolz